Darkness and Peace
by anchan1989
Summary: Rey made a choice...for good?
1. Chapter 1

When 100s of men and women walked together, as one unit, it was an impressive sight.

Always.

Their weapons in tight grips, ready to shot and kill.

Ready to follow an order.

His order…or…hers.

Every time she met a troop she sensed that will.

To follow her, to obey her.

Out of fear yet…also out of respect.

No one could have kept count how many lives she had saved since the day of her arrival at the First Order or what was left of it.

In battles on battles, over months, nearing a year now.

No one could have kept count.

She tried.

Which felt pathetic.

Like betraying the path she chose.

Or so she wanted to believe, as there was still a part of the young woman´s heart that couldn´t let go…

Couldn't let go of the old "good vs. evil" religion.

There was so much strength to be found in that believe.

Yet also so much pain.

Death.

Hate…

Life is not about choosing that one road, it´s about enduring every day as good as one could.

Ben had told her that…..and still did…

And most nights she drifted away into the darkness of sleep believing it, feeling better.

Everything felt better over time.

Like the respect and fear of the soldiers.

It was a sign of her power.

That her choice had been right.

At first she lacked any understanding of his plea to wear black.

To dress like….one of the…..other side.

But he feared rebellion among his own, feared that anything else then total respect and fear could put them, put her in danger.

After Snoke´s death the First Order had fallen apart.

Commanders tried to seek planets, even an own empire.

Ben fought all of them, taking over the troops of any defeated enemy.

For peace, finally some peace in the galaxy.

So he said.

She sensed that he told her the truth, that he was honest with her.

Like he always had been since the day she rescued him from Poe.

So she pretended to be hardened by war…which she was.

To be filled with dark, intense emotions when she screamed orders from time to time…which she was.

To enjoy every victory she earned with her men and women that would soon follow her into hell and beyond. Which she did.

She had worked her magic besides being different.

Different inside. Feeling better…

Helping normal soldiers to repair fighters, weapons and droids.

Remembering solders names.

Asking about their families.

There would never be any love. She knew that. She wasn't the young dessert girl anymore.

She didn't want love. From them.

All she could hope for was that those soldiers behind her believed that fight with her would make a difference in the galaxy. For them, their families.

She wanted peace. For all, for him…..for herself…..so much.

And if the price was to choke a traitor who tried to kill her and Ben at a tactic discussion in the name of another former First Order commander it was a price worthy to pay.

She didn't kill him. She didn't kill if she could avoid it.

The man was thrown into prison.

For the rest of his life.

A price worth to pay…for peace…

A price worth to pay to be with him, when the dark night came.

And the voices.

Hearing Poe scream, seeing the fear in the eyes of her former friends.

"I DID THE RIGHT THING! YOU HAVE LOST YOUR WAY!"

She woke up shaking, again.

Ben, who laid behind her, did too.

Didn't say anything. Just opened his arms.

And without thinking, lost in a warm routine, she let herself sink.

To him. To her love Ben.

Rey would soon drift off into the darkness again.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey always hated it when Ben chocked people with the force.

She could sense their fear, their helplessness.

It made her sick.

Portraying the strong, fearsome leader she could never show it, of course.

Her angry screams at him when they were alone in their chambers were all the more louder.

"HOW CAN YOU DO THAT! IT´S AGAINST EVERYTHING WE TRY TO FIGHT! YOU AREN´T BETTER THAN SNOKE WHEN YOU DO IT!"

Ben didn't lie, again.

When he told her "I need to do it. Just think about it. We are surrounded by highly trained fighters handling the deadliest weapons in the universe. On top of that the structure they built their hopes for order and peace on is in disarray." she knew he believed it.

She did.

Yet there something else.

Ben remembered those moments why they were talking.

And Rey felt enjoyment.

But over what?

Holding his troops together or letting his anger win, feeling good by lashing out, letting go of any control?

That day she did it Rey knew.

It was both.

The officer was from a unit that fought on a distant planet, for months then.

Rey had never seen him before.

But she sensed that something was off when he entered the room.

Ben did too.

But both couldn't focus on the source. Didn't know who it was.

Afterwards they found out that the assassin was force sensitive, shielded himself.

He used all the people in the room, around 20, to his advantage too.

Hide between their thoughts and feelings also.

They could have cleared the room and question everyone but who knew how many were involved, what else could start if they ticked him off.

But Rey was on edge, like Ben.

Even then the assassin still nearly got them.

He had a plan.

An explosion went off in the hangar.

Some of the officers jumped up.

Ben and Rey didn't. The assassin didn't.

Another explosion and gun shots down the hall way.

Fear started to rule the room.

"WE HAVE TO GO!"

"A COUP ON THE LEADERS SHIP!"

"BRING THE SUPREME LEADERS TO SAFETY!"

Rey yelled at everyone.

"WE ARENT LEAVING. ALARM ALL TROOPS! SEARCH THE INTRUDERS! PROTECT THE REACTOR ROOM! NOW!"

Some saluted and ran out of the room. Some checked on Ben who smiled and nodded.

Then those were off too.

The 2 had no guards, Ben always said that those would scream "weakness".

So they were alone.

If there was an assassin in the room he was gone.

*Why would he….." Rey couldn't finish her thought.

Ben used his force powers to throw her out of the room.

Then he jumped.

Too late.

A bomb went off.

Everything went black.

Seconds later Rey woke up to a high pitched sound in her head.

She didn't know where she was, when.

Then one thought pulled her back to then and there.

One name.

"BEN!

She forced her eyes to open up.

Just in time.

The assassin stood over Ben´s body who was clearly unconscious.

A blaster aimed at his head.

"NOOOO!"

There was no Rey.

No thought.

No plan.

Just pure rage.

She pushed her right hand up.

The attacker flew against the wall behind him.

One could hear break bones.

See cracks in the wall.

But Rey didn't look. Didn't care…..

She jumped up and used force super speed to be beside Ben in the blink of an eye.

Checking his head, feeling his pulse.

Pulling him close.

A sigh of relief.

A "thank the force".

For a moment all rage and pain had left her, there was peace, peace in all the chaos.

In the echoes of blaster shots and screams.

Then another sound.

A moan of pain.

The attacker was trying to get up.

Rey felt it.

Again.

It felt so…..natural. So good.

Her rage, her hatred.

As if it was reaching deep into her soul, her heart.

Feeding of things long unsealed.

She didn't care in that moment.

She had one goal. To stop the attack, obtain information.

Her sharp mind and the months of training with the First Order kicked in.

And the wish to take revenge.

Before the man knew what happened she was up and pushed him against the wall.

With her force power.

Days later she would fearful asks herself how it could have been so easy to just do it but then she just started:

she chocked him.

One question followed.

Her voice as cold as her eyes were burning.

"Who are you? Who is attacking us?"

The man tried to resist.

He believed that Kylo Ren and Rey were a threat to his unit, his men and women, his commanders.

The assassin gave it his all.

She broke his mind in seconds.

Used his fear, his fear to die in her air sucking grip to break into his weakened soul.

When she had what she needed Rey let him fall on the floor and without any more thought wasted on him she called Hux to inform him about the strength of the intruders and their plan, which places they wanted to sabotage.

With her information Hux and his storm troopers got the situation under control.

Rey waited on Ben´s side till a medical team arrived.

"Protect him with your lives and bring him back or I will make you pay!"

What Rey didn't see but those men and women will never forget was that her eyes turned red,

just for a moment, when she said that.

Then she was off fighting and protecting her soldiers.

Ben recovered quickly that day and the morning after.

But he slept.

And Rey was alone with herself.

Being afraid of what had happened.

She even tried to talk with the attacker, to calm her mind…..to prove to him…..or herself that

her actions weren't misguided.

That it had to be done.

All she found was a man fearing for his life.

Crying the moment he saw her.

She turned around in his cell and left.

That night she was alone in their bed.

So alone.

Tears.


	3. Chapter 3

Rey often thought back to that day. To the attack, the broken man.

To the costs of leading the First Order.

And who could lead it.

She had to. With Ben.

Did that day change her? Was it just a side effect, a step in the path she chose willingly?

Rey didnt know. She didnt need to. Didnt want to.

There werent any attacks after. Ben recovered quickly. And she sensed total fear and control all over their star destroyer.

Snoke´s.

Ben sensed, that his love was different. Why ever.

She had barely visited the throne room. Couldnt shake who used it. What it stand for.

When Ben got out of medical care he found her there.

Sitting on the throne he had some engineers built for her. Beside Snoke´s.

She sat there. Legs over one side. Looking at the celling. Lost in thoughts.

So much, that she didnt sense him coming.

Ben was stunned for a second. His love up there?

It felt off.

But before he could question why and what it could mean Rey jumped up.

"BEN!".

She jumped 2 times and was in his arms, crossing the football field long room.

Ben´s first reaction?

"OWW!"

"Oh no! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" Rey backed off.

He smiled. Pulled her back. His arms tighning around her.

"Thanks."

"...No need. Im so happy that you are back on your feet."

Rey snuggled into his black coat.

"Wouldnt be without you saving my life. I wont forget that."

Rey looked up. Smilling.

"That I´m better than you? I take that!"

A giggle.

Ben...smiled back.

"If I recall correctly then I saved your life. In this room."

"As I did yours. Remember? I´m in the lead and you have to live with that."

She had the biggest smile.

He was so in love.

"As long as I can live with you I can endure that."

He leaned down. Kissed her.

She grabbed his neck.

Time stopped.


	4. Chapter 4

The dreams came back.

Every night.

She saw herself smiling, standing over dead corpses.

Burned in half.

By her red lightsaber.

Sometimes they were random people, faces made up by her mind and fading memory.

And then there were the nights when it was Finn, General Leia…..

But those flickering moments of a dreaming, wandering mind didn´t let her wake up screaming.

It was this voice, which got louder and louder over the first months with the First Order.

Whispering about how could these moments feel. How much they fill one up.

Absolute power. Being free. Killing the past….

First it was unrecognizable. So Rey felt it from the start.

After some time there was no mistake to be made.

It was her own voice.

"You are still not free. Our past, THEY hold you back.

Our destiny is not to waste time with meaningless figures.

We are here to rule. Rule and be better. Be meaningful.

End it all.

All that pain. All that hate.

Burn it all down.

BURN IT ALL!"

When Rey woke up, she was sweating all over her body.

Always.

For the first few weeks Kylo tried to talk with her.

Shaken up to his core with his love losing it beside him in the dark night.

She would push him away.

Clearly afraid.

Of him? Of her dreams? Of herself?

He felt that those questions burned in her.

Yet all he could do was to be there.

Beside her.

When she woke up.

Every night.

Not asking any questions.

Just open his arms.

Pressing her against him.

Whispering.

His words dropped down on her. So warm in the cold.

"I´m here. I´m here."


	5. Chapter 5

He felt the pull of the light again.

And the voices in him whispering about giving in had become even louder.

Kylo Ren didn't talk about that to Rey.

There was not time. Yet.

He needed to be strong. To be hard and decisive.

The rebels had to be put down.

The factions in the first order.

"Kill the past…."

That echoed from the red walls of the throne room.

The battle scars still all over the walls and the ground.

Kylo wanted them there. He wanted to be reminded.

Death was the price for every victory in life.

Rey would learn that. Soon.

It was the right way.

He knew. He JUST knew.

Kylo had to be right.

He had given so much.

"Father…"

A tear ran down his cheek.

Rey wasn't there to hold him.

He didn't want her too.

"I have to be strong. For the two of us."

He was so alone.


End file.
